How I hate photos of myself. What is appalling is how shocked I am each and every time I'm confronted with how I actually look. Here is one of me and my staff at school:
The funny thing is that I thought I was looking pretty good that day. I can't tell you how shocked and appalled I was when I looked at the photo to realize I look twice the size of anyone else in that photo. Then I thought...well dummy you ARE twice the weight of anyone in the photo of course you look it. I mean, I know I'm large (and in charge) but I guess I don't walk around with the realization of just HOW large. I always think I carry it better, I guess. Here's one of me being very brave:
I thought I looked like crap that day but the photo turned out ok, I guess. It was so hot in there and I was so sweaty. I don't think I even washed my hair that day. But I'm hiding behind JS so I look smaller.
I want my outsides to match my insides. I want to feel good about myself no matter what my outsides look like. Soon I hope.
Breakfast today was Archer Farms Granola from Target. So good. With milk and a banana.
Lunch was the same as yesterday and supper will be two little pizzas made with turkey pepperoni on cute little tortillas. For morning snack I had two cookies (the last of them, Thank God) and in the afternoon I had an orange and one Dove peanut butter egg (What are those still doing around here??)
Calories came in about 1790. I had a short walk for exercise as it is rainy and cold here. Hope to get back on my bike tomorrow.
Everytime I see myself when I get in the shower I cringe. I would really like to not feel this way.
ReplyDeleteFor the record I think you're quite a beautiful lady.
I agree with Evelyn that you are beautiful! I also hate pictures of myself. I haven't liked one in about 15 years. The person I see in the picture is not the person I see in the mirror every day. Yes, I know and see that I am heavier than I would like but I think it is something with the 2-D versus 3-D. At least I always try to tell myself that I don't really look like my pictures. :-(
ReplyDeleteI also agree that you're very beautiful. :)
ReplyDeleteI've always had a disconnect between my mind and my weight. When I was at my heaviest, I knew that I was big, but the reality of how big I actually was never really sunk in until I lost weight and looked back on old pictures of myself. I wonder if I was in denial about my weight. Or maybe I'd just become so accustomed to being overweight (I'd been overweight most of my life) that it was what I considered normal.
I hate mirrors...& pictures of myself. They never look like what I think I look like in my head. Don't you wish we could see ourselves the way others see us? I, too think you're beautiful...now just imagine what you're self image would be like if it was purely based on what Evelyn, MN, Jenny & I (& all your other readers)think of you.
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